25.2.10

My letter

This is really hard for me.  As soon as I read Sami's "In His Arms" post I knew I had to do this.  
I wanted to.

I just couldn't find the words.

I prayed and tossed and turned most of the night.  Why is this so hard for me?  I long so much to have a Daddy.  I cry at weddings (and I am not a crier) because I actually feel pain when I see the Daddy and bride dance together.  I feel their love and I want it.  I want my Daddy to hold me and love me but I know that my Earthy father won't.  He's  not a nice man and I don't want him to but I long so very very much to have that Daddy daughter relationship.  I know it is not my fault that I do not have the relationship I want with my father, I did nothing wrong but still it hurts.

I CAN have the type of relationship I crave with my Heavenly Father but don't.  This time it is my fault.  He is there waiting for me calling for me in the same way that I call for an Earthly Daddy but I don't answer Him.  I leave Him with the same feelings I have, a longing, a pain, a deep desire to be loved.  He is waiting for me with His everlasting arms, spread wide open, just waiting for me to run and jump into them.  But I don't.  He is longing to dance with me, to cry with me, to support me, to share in my dreams, my sorrows, my life and yet I leave Him there.

I have decided, that I am going to stop this crazy cycle.  I want a relationship with my Heavenly Father.  I want Him to be my first Love. 
My true love.  
My Daddy.

I don't want to write this letter, because it is going to hurt.  I am going to see and know how I have hurt the One who love me, a terrible sinner so much.  I do love Him and want a real relationship, not just the "oh I'm scared, let's pray" kind.  I want to run to Him all day long.  Share my ups, my smiles, my thanks, my tears, my desires, my family, my dreams, my everything with the One who made me.

To darling daughter, Lindsay

I love you my girl.  I love you.  Why have you waited so long?  I have missed you.  I desire more of you.  You are my daughter, come to me with your worries, with your dreams, with everything.  I am here for you.  I will never leave you.  You are my daughter.  You are beautiful because I made you.  Why do you leave me for so long, wondering around your life trying to do it on your own?  I am here to help you, to hold you, to comfort you.  Let Me.  Don't try to go on with your life without me.  Talk to Me.  I have given you the ability to choose.  Choose Me.  Come to Me and I will give you peace, a peace you have never known.  Walk with Me.  I am all that you need.  I adore you, love you, and want you. I long to see you blossom into the woman I have made you to be.  You must let Me mold you, form you, stretch you.  Let Me show you love.  Stop fighting me.  I will never stop fighting for you.  You are my daughter and I love you.  Come to me.

Love Your Heavenly Father

If it is your desire to walk with your Father God closer, again, or for the first time.  Do so.  Sami has a link up if you want to journey together.  I honestly pray and hope that many come to know Him like never before.  Let's let Him love us and Love Him it return!


5 comments:

Heather said...

Lindsay, this is absolutely beautiful! I'll be praying for you as I think of myself in this area, too!

Victoria said...

amazing.

Joyeful said...

I am definitely crying over here. Just to hear these beautiful words from our adoring Father and His tremendous love for you. It's breathtaking. It's wonderful. Why do we doubt? Why do we wait? Just hearing Him speak to us is so much more than enough!

Julie said...

Thanks so much for sharing your heart. I am often in awe of His mercy and grace. How He patiently waits for me, and always receives me back with open arms. What an amazing Father we have! He rejoices over us with singing!!

Lisa P said...

Thanks for opening up and sharing your letter. I have a hard time not comparing our Heavenly Father to my earthly father too. Keep pressing in and He WILL change your perspective! F.Y.I. There is a book by Nancy Leigh DeMoss called "Lies Women Believe" and it was very helpful for me in this area.

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